my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
