at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
