Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My ass is underappreciated
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
