It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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