Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
