My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
