You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
