well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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