The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am mentally ready for anal.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize