so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
