Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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