I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sext me about skeletons
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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