he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
