This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we're making bets on your personal life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
