I puked a lego.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
