It's like God shit irony all over that family
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize