I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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