You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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