I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
