based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
