i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
