He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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