well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
