Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
