I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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