third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
