it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
