also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
