I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
