like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's the barista slut.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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