is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
