I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
