Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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