just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
