ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
