I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
