he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize