I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
