Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
