i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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