I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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