its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
