I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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