she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
