It was confusing and full of hummus
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
