I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize