Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you had me at cake vodka
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
