What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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