Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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