Please, let me fuck your mom
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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