I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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