I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
