Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
