I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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