She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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