is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
