tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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