So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
