a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize