I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
