Will you blow on my dice?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
