don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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