i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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