i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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