I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sext me about skeletons
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize