He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
