It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
