alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
