somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
