We're facebook friends in real life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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