we have pet lesbian snakes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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