I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
