I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
