I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
