Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
