Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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