booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
