Umm I'm too high to move.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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