Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize