cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
