i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
