This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
