how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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