I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
