Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
