I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
