I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
